As a man who suffers from depression, this pretty much nails it.....I know, I know. We're MEN. We lift weights, are tough, are manly. Depression doesn't happen to us....or does it? Christine Stapleton tells about it better than i can....
Pity the men, for there is nothing manly about depression.
Every belief a man holds about his masculinity is attacked by depression - his physical strength, sexual prowess and ability to provide and protect. All the traits that our society says makes a man manly.
Worse, most men do not know what's hit them. The symptoms of depression in men are so different than in women that many men are emotionally blindsided.
If asking for directions is difficult, imagine asking for help with your feelings.
"There is a huge amount of stigma for men," said Michael Addis, head of the Men's Coping Project, a study funded by the National Institutes of Health. "Depression is seen as a personal weakness and a character flaw."
Because many men define success by their bank accounts, experts expect to see more depression in men - and more suicide.
French aristocrat and financier Rene-Thierry Magon de la Villehuchet slashed his wrists after learning he had lost $1.4 billion he had invested with Bernard Madoff. A German billionaire and a prominent businessman in England threw themselves in front of trains out of desperation over their financial losses. In January, a California man shot and killed his wife and five young children before turning the gun on himself out of despair over losing his job.
"A man's beliefs about manhood will affect how he experiences depression, how he expresses depression and his willingness to accept treatment," Addis said.
Addis was one of four experts who recently spoke to a crowd of mostly women at the annual luncheon of Hope for Depression, held at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach. The organization, just 2 years old, is the passion of philanthropist and socialite Audrey Gruss, whose mother suffered from depression.
With $25 million of her own money Gruss founded the organization to target two weaknesses in mental health research: the lack of research that integrates the biology of the brain and emotions, and the length of time it takes to get a research project approved. Already the organization has spent $7 million on research at prominent universities such as Johns Hopkins and as far away as Israel and South Africa.
Women play key role
Why talk about men and depression in a roomful of women?
Because men will often first talk to the women in their lives, and women "are the ones who help bring them into treatment," said Dr. Steven Roose, a Columbia University psychiatry professor and director of the Neuropsychiatry Research Clinic at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. A survey sponsored by the American Academy of Family Physicians found that 78 percent of all married men who visited a doctor had been influenced to do so by their wives.
Since many men tie their masculinity to making money and financially providing for their family, losing a job, the family's medical benefits, a pension or a car can make it even more difficult for these men to ask for help with depression.
And while only half as many men as women are diagnosed with depression, men are four times more likely to commit suicide. Why? Men act quickly on their suicidal thoughts and show fewer warning signs, such as talk of suicide. They also use methods that are far more deadly, such as guns.
What are the symptoms of depression in men? Some mirror those seen in women: Feelings of guilt, worthlessness and helplessness; difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions; and persistent sad, anxious or "empty" feelings.
Showing symptoms
However, men with depression also exhibit other symptoms that often go unrecognized as depression:
Violent or abusive behavior; inappropriate rage; escapist behavior, such as overwork or excessive sports; risky behavior, such as reckless driving; isolation and withdrawal; sexual liaisons; alcohol or substance abuse; and more frequent thoughts of suicide.
After reaching their sexual prime in their 20s, men's testosterone levels gradually decline. Decreased testosterone can lead to decreased sex drive and erectile dysfunction, which can lead to depression.
"When men have ED there is a high rate of depression," said Roose.
For some men, the symptoms of depression were relieved with testosterone replacement therapy alone. But for men with full-blown depression, testosterone therapy is not enough. These men need antidepressants - some of which cause erectile dysfunction. In these cases it is especially important for women to know and reassure a man that the side effects of the antidepressants can be counteracted with drugs such as Viagra.
As for the best way to broach the topic of depression with men, Addis shared tips that he and his researchers use. Make it an informal conversation and sit beside, not across from the man. Do not use the word "depression" right away. Instead, slowly work it into the conversation.
"Many men don't have the vocabulary to talk about their inner emotional life," Addis said.
Which is where the women come in.
TERRY BRADSHAW: 'You've got to be man enough to say something is wrong'
Playing in the Super Bowl should be the crowning glory of a quarterback's career. Winning the Super Bowl four times should be unimaginable bliss, joy, glee and every other word ever used to express happiness.
Not for Terry Bradshaw, the legendary Pittsburgh Steeler who became the first quarterback to ever win four Super Bowl rings.
"How can I play in the Super Bowl and hate every second of it?" Bradshaw said. "The weeks following were even worse than that."
Bradshaw's Super Bowl wins in 1974, 1975, 1978 and 1979 made him the manliest of men in a manly game. He called his own plays and needed a cortisone shot before each game for his injured elbow. His jersey No. "12" will never be worn by another Steelers player.
So why did Bradshaw cry when he saw an elderly couple holding hands? Why the endless funks? The bad behavior? Bradshaw got an answer eight years ago when he was diagnosed with clinical depression.
The diagnosis was a shock and a relief.
"I was actually happy because it gave me answers to some things I had done in my life," said Bradshaw. Things like three divorces, womanizing and feelings of hating his life.
After his last divorce, when he realized he would not be living with and raising his young daughters, he hit bottom.
Bradshaw spoke candidly about this battle with depression at the Hope for Depression luncheon at Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach on Feb. 20. There was no hesitation or embarrassment as he described the progression of his illness.
Bradshaw, a Southern Baptist, first sought help from his preacher, "pouring my heart out for three days." His preacher told him needed more help. Bradshaw went to a psychologist and poured his heart out for another three days. The psychologist suggested he go to a psychiatrist.
"Can you give me a shot or something?" Bradshaw asked the psychiatrist. No, he learned, it was not that simple. He would need medications - which he is still on - and three more years of regular therapy.
"You have to be willing, men, to tell someone you don't know what a slime you have been in life," Bradshaw said.
Bradshaw got better but the world didn't. He took heat from his former teammates and the media, who accused him of hitting the speaking circuit with his story of depression to make money. He faced the same "woman" issues that every man with depression confronts.
"We're the macho guys and we don't want our women to know about it," he said. "Football players don't cry."
But depression does not mean you are weak, or that you are less of a man or that you cannot fix what is wrong, Bradshaw said. It means you have something wrong with your brain. No man chooses to have depression. You choose what to do about it, he said.
"Listen, men, you've got to be man enough to say something is wrong," Bradshaw said. "Don't be ashamed. I'm not."
By CHRISTINE STAPLETON
Palm Beach Post Staff Writer
